What would my life be like with an iPhone? The sky would be bluer, the grass would be greener. I would rejoice at the receipt of every phone call. People that thought I disappeared from the face of the earth would be enlightened. I would call my mother every day and my grandmother every other. I would await the opportunity to dispute my taxes only so I might wait on hold and feel the smooth glass screen against my tender ear. I would stroke the screen in ways that many would claim to be inappropriate as I browsed the internet at my leisure from anywhere I please. Classroom notes would no longer be a chore, but a daily task, eagerly anticipated. My single dread would be when the BART train that I ride goes underground and website pinching and prodding would no longer be possible with the temporary loss of cell service. My iPhone would turn daily tedium into fantastic treat, sterling silver to 24 karat gold, and water into wine.